


Quick Pause In Conversation

by Winchester1989



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean's poor texting skills, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Miscommunication, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester1989/pseuds/Winchester1989
Summary: Coming back from work Castiel sees his long-term boyfriend Dean at a coffee shop, apparently on a date. Because he's touchingherlike he touches Cas and that's all kinds of wrong.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	Quick Pause In Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy y'all, here I am, back after last showing my face (figuratively) at the end of 2018. But I'm back, and willing, and needing to get back into the writing flow before finishing my WIP's, and what better way to do that than write an angsty one shot with my two favourite characters?
> 
> It felt really good to write again and I hope this will help me finish my other works before starting new ones, because the ideas still keep coming. It's happening though, and 2020 will be my year.  
> For now I hope you enjoy this small one. Title from lyrics of 'Canyon Moon' by Harry Styles.  
> Cas' email in this fic is fake and made up by yours truly.  
> This work has no beta.

It was a cold day. Windy, wet, and all around unpleasant. Castiel’s dress shoes were soaked and he had no feeling left in his feet, dragging them over the pavement on the way home, the apartment he and Dean had just moved into. He got off early from work today, for which he was grateful. Only by half an hour, but still, that meant laying on the sofa half an hour earlier as well and nobody would complain about that, would they? 

Dean usually got home a little earlier than Cas and he knew that Dean would’ve set out some towels and pajamas, together with his robe. This meant Castiel could warm up under the shower and then be all snug in his evening outfit while Dean made dinner. Living with Dean was everything he imagined and more, and he couldn’t wait to be back with his boyfriend and cuddle up on the couch. Eating dinner there and consequently draping himself all over Dean so they could watch Futurama together, was one of Castiel’s favourite things to do. Dean texted Cas today that he would be a little late today though because Bobby needed him to help out at the garage. This happened sometimes and Cas knew Dean would hurry back home as soon as he could.

  
They’d met when they were in college. It was at one of Charlie’s LAN parties; gone for each other within moments of meeting, Castiel’s snarky comments a perfect match for Dean’s wit and grandeur. It was actually Charlie who'd set the two up, claiming that she’d always had a feeling the pair was meant to be. Within days they were inseparable, and even spent weekends and holidays together, meeting each others families and friends.

Castiel felt like he was still living in a bubble. A sweet, soft, pink bubble. How did he ever get so lucky to be with Dean? Dean could have any pick of men or women he wanted; all he’d have to do was flash that Dean Winchester ™ smile and _boom_ , all would swoon before him and lay at his feet. Why Dean would want to be with Castiel was still a mystery to him, but he didn’t dare complain. Castiel felt like he was nothing special; he was grumpy in the morning, always had messy hair, wore the same trench coat for years on end and couldn’t be bothered to pick up his dirty socks. Dean never complained once though; he made Cas his morning coffee, ruffled his hair (“You’re adorable. Like grumpy cat.”), on occasion put the trenchcoat in the washing machine (Cas had a few so he could rotate) and never complained about the socks on the floor. Truly the man was a godsend.

So this is why it took Cas by surprise to look up and see Dean in the coffee shop across the road, talking with an attractive young lady sitting opposite. Castiel stopped dead in his tracks, because Dean hadn’t told him he was meeting someone. He'd texted him he was going to help out at Bobby’s. So what was he doing at this coffee shop, talking and laughing with this pretty lady? Castiel blinked a few times to reassure himself his eyes weren’t deceiving him, because this just couldn’t be. This looked very much like a date, and Castiel’s stomach dropped when Dean reached out his fingers to stroke the girl’s cheek and then flick her ear. The girl laughed and so did Dean, talking animatedly with her, hands waving about while Castiel’s heart was silently shattering into pieces. Because that was _their_ thing. That was what Dean did to Cas. Stroke his cheek then flick his ear just to annoy him, when they both secretly knew Castiel loved to act all disgruntled and Dean loved to tease him like that; he’d never, _ever_ seen Dean do that with anyone else. It was one of their own little things, thier secret love language of sorts because they had all kinds of stuff when it came to looking and touching and feeling and _loving_. How could Dean do this? Was this not sacred? 

Feeling uncomfortable just standing there staring like a lunatic, Castiel took out his phone and decided to call Dean and see what would happen. His phone was wet but working fine, and Castiel raised it to his ear after pressing ‘call’.

He waited for Dean to pick up, but his heart dropped when he saw the other man taking his phone out of his pocket, looking at the screen and pressing ‘ignore’. Dean swiftly put the phone back in his jeans and smiled again at the lady sitting across from him, and Castiel was crushed. 

They weren’t that far away from each other. If Dean would just look up, he’d see Castiel standing there in the pouring rain, hurt and cold.

A waiter came by and refilled the coffee cups on the table, and Castiel watched as Dean stood up to go to the bathroom. Castiel didn’t know what to do, so he just turned around and started walking. He didn’t know where yet, but he wouldn’t be going home.  
After rounding the first corner, his phone vibrated with a text.

_Dean (5:34pm): Hey babe, still at Bobby's, too much noise to call, sorry be home soon x_

So not only was Dean ignoring his call, he was lying as well. 

Castiel considered turning his phone off, but some sick part of him wanted to make himself hurt more and more, and _ofcourse_ he loved Dean so he didn’t want to worry him by not responding. Dean was always telling him how he had such a kind heart, and how very lucky he was to have Castiel as his boyfriend. Turns out Dean had been lying to his face, and how gullible was that? How _stupid_ was Castiel?

_Cas (5:35pm): I think we’re done and apparently I’ve been an idiot, hoping we would last. I hope you and her will be happy. I’ll come back later to gather my belongings._

Passive aggressive was the way to go, and when he saw the checkmark saying it had been delivered, he turned his phone off. Though some part of himself wanted to know how Dean would reply, the other part was hiding and would shatter if he spoke with Dean or saw him face to face. So instead he walked to the only safe place he could think of. 

~*~

About thirty minutes later Castiel arrived at his brother’s front door. After ringing the doorbell, Gabriel was quick to open. “Woah-heyyy little brother, what’s got you looking like a soaked gummy bear?”

“Gabe, just let me in.” 

“Fine, fine, come on. I’ll get some dry clothes for you and then you can tell me all about why you’re here instead of with Dean-o.” 

“And food,” Castiel sighed as he walked through the door, “lots of food.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “Now I know something is wrong. You’re not going to start eating away your problems again are you?” 

Castiel gave a rueful smile. He didn’t want to dive in to why he was here right away, his body too numb and cold to stand around chit-chatting in the hallway. “Believe me, the problem has been taken care of.”

Gabriel apparently sensed it was something serious and shrugged before retrieving some dry, clean clothes for his brother. Castiel told his him he’d take a quick shower, so Gabriel went to the kitchen to prepare some dinner. 

After showering and washing away his tears, Castiel entered the living room to find Gabriel had already finished a quick pesto pasta and turned on some garbage TV, most likely so it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t pay attention. 

“Kinda got the feeling you wouldn’t be in the mood for burgers right now.” Gabriel commented, and Castiel knew he was right. Burgers were always tied to Dean, no matter what. Dean’s burgers were the best and even though he probably wouldn’t be spending the rest of his life with him anymore, he’d never go back to regular burgers if he couldn’t have Dean’s. It may have sounded pathetic, but it was true.

Castiel took the bowl of pasta with a grunt and made himself comfortable on the couch while Gabriel very sensibly said nothing and let Castiel take his time.

Pasta bowl empty and scraped out, Castiel didn’t want to postpone his explanation any longer.

“Has Dean called you yet?” 

Gabriel frowned. “Haven’t checked my phone to be honest. It’s on silent anyways. But I figured it was probably best to hear your side of the story first, so I wouldn’t have picked up anyway. What happened Cassie?” 

After setting his bowl on the table, Castiel turned to sit sideways so he could look at his older brother while explaining what exactly it was that broke his heart.

He told Gabriel about how he was walking home and saw Dean on an apparent date, the flicking of her ear and then blatantly lying in his text message, and Gabriel had started fuming and all around being an awesome brother, wanting to go over to Dean and kick the shit out of him (Gabriel’s words, not Cas’). Castiel convinced him to stay though, saying he didn’t want to be alone.

So, Gabe stayed. He got out a large tub of chocolate ice cream and brought the can of whipped cream to the table, giving Castiel free reign to eat whatever he could because they both solved their issues by eating copious amounts of sugar, then basking blissfully in the afterglow.

The ice cream made Castiel feel warm and fuzzy, sated, and he could feel exhaustion kicking in. His eyes kept taking longer to open after each blink and so he startled when someone started banging on the front door. Gabriel let out an indignant huff and patted Castiel on the knee. “Go to the guest room Cassie, I’ll get rid of him.” 

Castiel did as he was asked and didn’t mind not having to face Dean, knowing his tears would start all over again. The last thing he wanted was for Dean to see him cry, to feel weak and dumb and so fucking _replaceable_.

When he walked into the guest room, he closed the door quietly and sat on the bed, listening to what was happening at the front door.

“He doesn’t want to see you, Winchester.”

“Well that’s too damn bad, because I’m not leaving until I do.” 

Castiel could see it in his mind, the way Dean was most likely crossing his arms and staring his brother down. It was intimidating to most, but never to Gabriel. 'The older brother prerogative', he called it. 

“Might’ve thought about Cassie’s feelings before you went around and cheated behind his back, you pathetic piece of shit.” 

“Gabriel, I didn’t cheat on Cas. Don’t make assumptions about stuff you know nothing about. Now let me in.”

“I trusted you, Winchester. And you went on a date with a woman and you _touched_ her like you touched _him_ , and how dare you. How dare you, and weeks before his birthday as well. I’ve mended his heart before after bad boyfriends, but I _never_ thought you would be one of them. I thought you guys were meant to last. But you blew that right out o-” 

“Would you listen to me! I didn't cheat on your brother! And I will explain myself, but only _after_ I’ve talked to Cas. He’s my everything, man.”

Castiel could hear Gabriel letting out a sigh. Castiel’s heart was pounding loudly in his chest, because he didn’t want to see Dean, see his face and smell him and quite possibly throw himself at him because he didn’t want Dean to leave, didn’t want to be alone, _needed_ Dean.

“Give him a few days and then see if he wants to talk. Castiel will text or call you when he feels up to it. For now I think it’s best you go home, Dean. Making my little brother more nervous by refusing to leave and thumping your chest like a caveman won’t help.”

“Gabe, I don’t think-” 

“Dean.”

Castiel held his breath, waiting anxiously for Dean to leave. He needed time to get his head together so he wouldn’t collapse when he saw his boyfriend again. Or, ex-boyfriend? Everything seemed to blur and he jumped when he suddenly felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

Looking up, Gabriel was standing next to him, a concerned expression on his face. He sat down next to him and rubbed Castiel’s shoulder. “He left quietly, Cas. You go to him when you feel ready, ok? No pressure baby bro.”

Castiel nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat, giving Gabriel a weak smile.

“I’ll leave you alone now. Get some sleep, I have work tomorrow but you know where to find everything.” Gabriel said, before leaving Castiel alone.

~*~

After two days of eating the contents of Gabriel’s fridge, Castiel finally felt ready enough to turn on his phone and see what he'd missed. He’d taken sick leave from work, sending them an email through Gabriel’s tablet. The thought of dressing up in his suit and acting like nothing was wrong all day seemed like an enormous task, and he figured he didn’t need to explain himself to anyone, let alone his nosy colleagues. 

Turning on the phone and looking at the screen light up with numerous texts, missed voicemails and social media notifications, Castiel lied down sideways on the bed and started going through his missed messages, saving Dean’s for last. There were a few from Charlie, mainly links to funny Reddit posts or photos of how her pet bunny Gilda was doing.

One message from Sam asking him if he was going to the Roadhouse with the entire crew, which meant that Sam didn’t know about what happened between Dean and him.

A few messages from his colleague Meg, asking if he was really sick or just being lazy, and he smiled as he replied with a puke emoji and a middle finger.

Finally, Dean’s messages. He knew if he read them, Dean would know. But he was no chicken so he opened their thread and saw what Dean had sent since that evening. He had numerous missed calls and voicemails, but he didn’t know if he could handle hearing Dean’s voice just yet.

_Dean (5.55pm): Cas honey i can explain. was just a little white lie needed to arrange smth x_

_Dean (5.56pm): Wait ill call u, please pickup_

_Dean (5.59pm): Would u pickup stop being dramatic x_

_Dean (6.06pm): Cas its NOT what u think id never cheat on u grumpy kitten x_

_Dean (6.07pm): If i dont hear from u_ _within the hour i'm going to gabe’s x_

_Dean (6.11pm): Fine have it ur way honey it was for ur bday please dont be upset x_

_Dean (7.35pm): Ill leave u alone but baby i wasnt on a date with her, dont make me go back to the apartment alone please_

_Dean (11.42pm): Bed smells like u i'm stealing ur pillow x_

_Dean (12.02am): Goodnight sweetheart x_

_Dean (11.31am): Please call or text me when ur ready honey x_

_Dean (10.15am): Cas sweetheart please just turn on the phone it’s like i'm talking_ _to myself and gabe won’t let me near u x_

A small smile made its way onto Castiel’s face, seeing Dean’s poor texting skills and how he still ended almost each text with a little kiss. His birthday was indeed just in a few weeks and Dean saying it wasn’t a date had made Castiel seriously doubt himself. Because if it wasn’t a date, if it was actually Dean planning something for Castiel's birthday, then why did he touch her so intimately? Why wouldn’t he just have said that he was doing something to surprise Castiel, instead of lying about going to Bobby’s? Dean using his surrogate father as an excuse didn’t sit right with Castiel, and Castiel was going to make that clear to Dean when they would have that first talk. His frown was back in full force now, and he put the phone back in his pocket before going to the bathroom to clean up, getting changed so he could make the walk to have the hardest conversation of his life. 

Making the trek towards their apartment, or should he say, Dean’s apartment, was much shorter than he thought. Or maybe he’d just been in his head too much and hadn't paid attention when he was walking there, too preoccupied by the thought of the impending conversation and how he was going to keep a clear and sane mind while being confronted with the love of his life. This might be one of the last few times he sees Dean and he honestly doesn’t have a clue how he’s going to cope with that. 

Heart thumping loudly in his chest, Castiel rang the doorbell hoping Dean wouldn’t be home. Then he could leave and go back to Gabe’s, pretend nothing happened and leave the confrontation to a later date. Of course he had no such luck, and heard footsteps approaching the door slowly before opening. Dean looked ragged; circles under his eyes, unshaven, a t-shirt with several stains and his old joggers hanging low on his hips; barefoot and a little bit smelly, but still the same gorgeous man he fell in love with.

“Cas.” 

Dean looked like he was seeing things that weren’t there; his eyes wide and jaw slack, then frowning when Castiel held out his hand. Slowly Dean reached for it, looking all sorts of confused, and then there they stood, shaking hands. Castiel felt like an idiot but it was an honest impulse and he guess he just had a brain fart because he never could deal with awkward situations.

“You’ve always been terrible at awkward situations,” Dean remarked with a sad smile, and, well. Castiel had to hold back a smile at how in tune he was with Dean and how they always felt and sensed the same things, apparently. 

“Dean. I’ve, uh.. come.. to.. collect my belongings. I would appreciate it if you would let me make a start.” Castiel stammered, all of a sudden wanting to be quick and out of Dean’s way because seeing Dean so hurt and obviously not taking care of himself (though Castiel hadn’t either) made Castiel want to drop everything and get Dean clean, fed and _safe_. To get him warm with Castiel under a blanket, hiding away from the world as long as was needed. But Dean didn’t deserve that because he lied and he hurt Castiel and how dare Dean act as if he was the victim?

“No. No you don’t. You don’t get to come here and get your stuff and let that be it. Because I saw you read my texts and you know what I said. It wasn’t a date, and we need to talk.”

Without warning Dean took Castiel’s wrist, but softly, _gently_ , obviously not wanting to force Castiel but instead guide him lightly, and Castiel went without question, because of course he did; he loved Dean, he’d let him guide him anywhere without asking why, even if it was the couch that they had spent endless evenings on, watching television or listening to music with their eyes closed and their bodies entangled. It hurt just to look at this couch and at the same time, Castiel let out a sigh and felt good when he sat down and the cushions were exactly as he remembered them. Castiel closed his eyes just to keep the tears at bay, and had to supress a shiver as Dean gently carded his fingers through Castiel’s hair.

“Wait here just a minute, sweetheart, I’ve got something to show you.” 

Soft footsteps left the living room and Castiel opened his eyes, letting his back fall to the couch and staring up at the ceiling, nervous to have this conversation but also gathering a tiny flicker of hope that maybe, just _maybe_ , not all was lost. Because if Dean didn’t want to be with Castiel, he wouldn’t be looking so tired and unkempt. He knew Dean loved him; this was no secret, Castiel wasn’t that ignorant, but he still felt as if Dean was out of his league and this had been a struggle for him for a long time. It was easily triggered and Dean knew this, to a certain extent. 

Dean coming back to the couch had Castiel sit up again, and he was surprised to see him with a scrapbook. He sat next to him, not giving Castiel an inch of space and aligning his entire body with Castiel’s, from shoulder to ankle. Opening the scrapbook, Dean pointed at a picture with him, Castiel and Charlie sitting in the middle of a bunch of cords and holding up a tub of ice cream.

“Remember that?” 

Castiel nodded. “Charlie’s LAN-Party, where she introduced us.” 

Dean gave a soft smile as he pointed to a Post-it note underneath. Castiel recognized it as the post-it he gave to Dean that very evening.

_“Email me maybe baby!_ [ _casnovakjr_13@hotmail.com_ ](mailto:casnovakjr@hotmail.com) _”_

“You kept that?” 

Dean snorted. “Of course I did, you goof. I kept everything. It’s all in here.” 

And Dean was right. Every single little thing Castiel had ever given Dean, grocery lists with a short message and kisses underneath, lunch box notes (so Castiel made Dean lunch, no big deal), polaroid photos, holiday cards and e-mails, Dean had copies of everything and it was all gathered in the book. 

“I made this for your birthday. I know it’s not until a couple of weeks but with what happened, you needed to see it now. The girl, the one you saw me with, her name is Dorothy and she’s a good friend of Charlie’s. She’s really good at video editing and she was going to help me make a montage of all the videos we are in. The ones from Charlie’s parties, our holiday videos, home videos and stuff. You know I don’t know crap about that kinda stuff and Charlie mentioned Dorothy could help. We met up at the café so she could show me what she had made. I was really impressed and when she put away the laptop we finished our drinks and that was it, Cas. It was all for you and I don’t know what you saw, but baby it wasn’t what it looked like.” 

“You flicked her ear.” 

“I what?” Dean sounded confused.

“You flicked her ear. You touched her on the cheek and then flicked her ear and she _laughed_ , and you laughed, and I was broken, Dean. That was _ours_. How could you do that? What do you think went through my mind?” 

Dean put away the scrapbook and put his arm around Castiel. “I was showing her what I did to annoy you. She said it sounded like me and you were the stuff of dreams and I said we were always teasing each other and that that was our thing, so I showed her what I did to you. But I’m sorry, sweetheart. I am. I shouldn’t have, I know that now.”

Castiel couldn’t help it and sagged against Dean, tears starting to form. “Why would you lie? Why would you use Bobby as an excuse? You know I come by that coffee shop every day, what kind of conclusion do you think I would make?” he sniffed.

Dean rubbed his shoulder and gave Castiel a soft kiss on the top of his head. Castiel would’ve melted into a puddle of goo if he was able. 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I was being dumb, and stupid. I should’ve either been honest about what I was doing or planned the surprise better. I was an idiot, okay?”

Castiel didn’t give a reply, just sniffed and let Dean take care of him, like Dean had done many times before.

“Please tell me what’s on your mind, sweetheart. Please don’t say you’re packing your stuff, baby, it was all a misunderstanding you get that now, right?” 

“I do, I do get it. And I know I was quick to judge and I might have overreacted, but.. I guess I was still feeling like that again, you know.” Castiel murmured.

“Like what?” Dean asked. 

“Like, sometimes I don’t believe you actually want to be with me. I’m this awkward, weird bookworm, and you’re this social butterfly and you make everything seem so easy. I’m always grumpy and you’re.. not, and, well, I think this was the thing that set me over the edge, you know?” 

“You really think if I didn’t want to be with you I would’ve moved in with you, had a relationship with you, did all these things with you the last few years all for what, nothing? C’mon Cas, don’t tell me I didn’t convince you enough because you know I love you. I haven’t exactly been keeping it a secret or anything.” 

At some point Castiel had started crying silently and Dean noticed now, tears on his t-shirt. Castiel had his fist grabbing onto Dean’s t-shirt and Dean laid his hand on top. “Sweetheart, I love you. I plan to marry you someday and I need you to believe that, okay? Do you believe me?” 

Castiel blinked a few times and shuddered out a small ‘yes’, grabbing Dean as tightly as he could.

“Good. Because I will ask you. Don’t you forget. We’re meant to be Cas, you and me. But I need you to promise me that if you ever feel like this again, or you see or hear something from me and you go get all these crazy thoughts you come to me, okay? Because we can’t do this again. You hurt me too, closing off like that, and I know I had it coming but man I do not want to feel that again.”

“I’m sorry too Dean. I am. I know I should be more open and I’ll try. I promise, I’ll try.” 

“Alright sweetheart, we’ll make it through. We’ll be laughing about this someday, you wait and see. When we’re old and wrinkly, yeah?” 

Castiel let out a tiny laugh, imagining themselves as old wrinkly men complaining about anything and everything and it made his heart warm, knowing he and Dean would probably grow old together and share walkers and complain about out-of-control youths.

He cuddled tighter to Dean, as tight as he could, burying his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. He needed to be close, to hold him.

After a while he let go, and Dean looked at him and it wasn’t until that moment that Castiel realised Dean had let out some tears too. Stroking Dean softly on his cheek Castiel looked at him in wonder. “What did I ever do to deserve you, Dean?” 

“Don’t be silly, grumpy cat. We’re meant to be, you and me.” 

They took a shower together, washing each other and cuddling and kissing, making mohawks of their hair and laughing and connecting again. Shower done, they toweled off, got into their comfiest outfits and ordered Chinese. Fleece blankets were gathered and their food was eaten leisurely as they watched mindless television. After finishing their meal Castiel snuggled close to Dean, who took him in with open arms and peppered his face with kisses before they both laughed, content and warm. Castiel was back where he belonged. They had a quick pause in conversation, but were ready to finish their dialogue. 


End file.
